come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
how does that bad decision feel?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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