I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
