I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
