I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
