What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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