I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
