i just had sex bonerless
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
