now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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