How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
