i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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