I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
