got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
