Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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