hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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