If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
