dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
