you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
