I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize