Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
