Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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