the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
