Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
