question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
