i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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