i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
