WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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