We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
