I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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