thus making me awesome and them whores
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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