Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i came on her dog
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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