i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
