didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
