i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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