just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
