Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
