You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
