Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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