I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
