if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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