maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
