hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
