Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You made out with two different species that night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
