That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
