I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
