You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
