not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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