I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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