Umm I'm too high to move.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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