Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
