For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
