What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
