I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
